[Shouto is a very stressed teenager who's sense of reality seems to be coming apart constantly. Well, that seems to be life in Recolle, no matter what. What's real and what's not- he's suddenly been faced with the uncomfortable feeling that this world, his world, that he's grown up with all his life, might be the fabrication.
He takes a step into Aizawa's apartment and just awkwardly stands in front of the door until he's told where to go.]
I'm not even sure where to start.
[It was so much and so many of those memories were bad, or they'd have an edge of uncomfortable around them. His mother, his father, the cavalry battle, a sense of resentment. The fact that all of it is undeniably his...
Well, no need to start until you're ready. I'm not exactly about to rush you, so think through to what you'd like to address first.
[You know that sense of space and emptiness you get from a residence where somebody's just started moving in? When there's serviceable furniture set up, but everything's still pretty clean and widely uncluttered, like there's probably still boxes of personal effects waiting to be unpacked somewhere in a back room? That's what the inside of Aizawa's apartment looks like from inside the doorway, actually. Except he's been living here for about six years now, and he unpacked all his boxes a similarly long time ago--it's just that he doesn't have a lot of personal effects to hang or decorate in the first place...
There is something that breaks the spartan illusion a little, though, and Shouto would find it upon looking around the living room, past the coffee table and over to the couch: a calico cat sitting on one of the couch arms. It's staring critically at Shouto as he comes in through the door. Aizawa gestures to the couch as he passes across the living room and heads for the kitchen doorway.]
[Shouto stares at the cat for a moment, blinks very slowly and then takes a seat as far away from this cat as he's physically able. He likes cats, but he's also pretty sure he's a stranger to this judging calico... Even if his first instinct is to reach out and start petting it.
He looks down at his hands and remembers the ice and fire more clearly than he'd like.
At least he has some time to get his thoughts in order while Aizawa's in the kitchen.
[The cat never stops staring in an extremely judgmental fashion, as Shouto crosses the room and then takes his seat a couple of couch cushions away. Its opinion on this whole visitor matter seems withering at best, or maybe it just always sort of looks this haughty. But it doesn't seem alarmed enough by Shouto's presence to up and leave its spot on the couch yet, at any rate...
Meanwhile Aizawa's stopping into the kitchen to check on his rice, mostly--it'd been about done anyway, when the knock at his door had sounded, because he'd been attempting to put together an early dinner of some kind, spend the rest of the night working. But well...it's like they say about the best-laid plans, isn't it? He switches off the burner and leaves the pot lid on so it can cool, before leaving his coffee mug on the counter--now empty, as he'd finished it off on the way in--and pausing in the middle of the kitchen, for a moment, before moving to the fridge.
When Aizawa comes back to the living room he's carrying two orange juice packs.]
Here. [He idly tosses a juice pack at Shouto as he reaches the couch--not even bothering to ask, because a visitor's a visitor and you usually get them something to drink. Also who doesn't like juice packs?? Only heathens, and surely Shouto isn't one. Aizawa settles down on the other end of the couch next to his cat, who promptly drops down off the couch arm and wanders under the coffee table instead.] Sorry for the wait, I switched off the stove. Made up your mind yet?
[The judging cat is slowly starting to grow on him. It's kind of cute in its own kind of way- but maybe Shouto's just partial to cats. It could go either way. But the judging cat is at least something normal to look at, so he ends up staring at it while he tries to arrange his thoughts.
He makes a slightly late grab for the juice after it's hit him in his chest. Look, he's not actually an athlete, even if he does work out. Another thing that belongs to his canonical counterpart. Not him.]
Thank you.
... Yeah, I think so. While we were gone, we learned something from... a space sphinx. The memories, abilities, and powers that we're getting are ours. We aren't reincarnations, we're them. It's just that all of that stuff was buried.
Even if it is true, I don't want to believe it. But when we were gone, my family forgot about me. So maybe... maybe the life I'm living isn't as real as I thought it was.
[If you ask Aizawa his cat is adorable and the judgement is at least 80% of the appeal (not that he'd actually flat out state this or anything, but the sentiment is real). At any rate, Aizawa doesn't make any comment or judging look about Shouto's decidedly lackluster catching of the juice pack, either, because at least he didn't straight up drop it on the floor and there's more pressing matters at hand anyway.
Like...all of that. Aizawa slowly peels the wrapper off his own juice straw as he listens, expression impassive, though a faint frown's already edging onto his features while the words set in.]
...I'd heard a little bit about that. On the network, it was being talked about.
[Aizawa hadn't commented on anything in particular on that front--he's not a big social media person to start with, but that had also been quite enough to just read about without trying to field conversations about it too. It's.....an unsettling idea, to be sure, and in the end there really didn't seem to be any way of confirming the truth of the concept.
But it's one thing to read about it on your phone, and another thing to hear it straight from somebody in person. Somebody who was there to hear it first hand, apparently. Somebody...that's now having these kinds of doubts, because of it.]
...You're right, there's no way to know if it's true. Even if, with recent events, it does seem like the most ridiculous things are suddenly plausible. [He's sure he doesn't need to explain how the last month's been. Shouto's apparently had it even stranger than he did, after all. But...] ...But that's still a pretty abrupt conclusion to draw, don't you think?
[Aizawa stabs his straw into his juice pouch, and then looks up.]
The life you're living is the one that's happening right now, isn't it? A sequence of events has led up to this point, to you being in this room here, just as a sequence of events led to you being a part of your family. By that logic, this conversation we're having right now is about as tangible as your family too--and, therefore, not very real either. Does that seem rational?
[It's a very cute judging cat, you don't see a look like that on an animal that often. Though admittedly, he doesn't tend to search them down.
Shouto's keeping his gaze on the juice box in his hands instead of looking up at Aizawa. He pulls off the straw and stabs it into the box, taking a small sip.]
It sounds abrupt, that's true. But... I have super powers now. My left side makes fire and my right side makes ice. Just like in those memories.
It doesn't seem rational. But you didn't forget me, nobody on the app forgot me. Just my family, who may or may not be real. [And his memory family? His father in Recolle is terrible, who hit his mother when she tried to defend him, but he only ever did that once. The other Shouto had to suffer far more under his father's hand and the thought that his mother was constantly abused by that man?
He kind of understands why she poured the boiling water on his face.]
--Huh, that's right, you do have ice now. Did you gain that while you were away? I never got around to asking...
[It'd definitely been a thing during that last monster fight when they'd unexpectedly reunited, at least, but it's all been very busy at the time. Considering Shouto hadn't been freezing anything before that, though, Aizawa can only assume it's a pretty new gain....
And it's just as ridiculous and nonsensical as the fire. And the rest of this.
Geez...
Aizawa takes a small sip out of his own juice pouch. The orange flavour does nothing in the way of imparting some sort of fail-safe reassuring answer he can supply to Shouto right now, but at least it tastes nice. Gives him an extra second or so to mull that over before the silence stretches too much.]
Members of your family might also end up gaining an awareness of this app at some point. There are several family members on the network at the moment--it's not an impossibility. So far the selection seems very random at best...so I'm not sure if that's a metric of "reality" we want to use with surety just yet, necessarily.
[Aizawa sits back with a sigh.]
...But that's not what you're concerned about, is it? It's not even so much a matter of confirmation. The possibility alone is bad enough, and you're not sure what you'd do if it were true. Is that right?
[And with the memories he has back now, his comfort with his fire side has gone drastically downhill. No wonder, when he saw his father on fire and his mother saying his left side was ugly. He can't even blame her for that.
It seems like no matter what world he lives in, his father is the worst person in the world.]
I thought I knew what was real and what wasn't. That my mom would never forget me. But... I know that last thing isn't true. I don't... I don't know what to do.
[He takes a slow breath.] There's something I remembered, that day I set myself on fire. I want to tell you about it, but I don't want anybody else to know.
[Yeah, so that definitely seems to be the crux of the problem here. Not knowing what to do....and really, Aizawa can't even blame him for it, or discredit the concern, because it's a perfectly legitimate one, and he doesn't have a good answer for it. What do you do about it, when things you always thought would be solid and true suddenly aren't anymore? It's relatable in a sense, Aizawa supposes--the immense breaches in logic that Retrospec has set upon the world around him have certainly been disorienting and unsettling for him on multiple occasions, and continue to do so--but it's another matter when it's your family, isn't it? That's not an issue he's confronted himself just yet. He doubts they would confront it in the same way even if he did...
Logically, there's not a lot Aizawa can do here. And he knows this, but there's still a twinge of disappointment--in himself? Like he should. Like he ought to. Like he's had this responsibility before...
Odd.
Before he can mull over this further and attempt to formulate an at least somewhat proper answer, though, Shouto's taking a slow breath and then...saying something else now. Aizawa looks over to him, the surprise evident on his features.]
--In the classroom, right? [Shouto's terrible state at the time surfaces in his mind's eye, very visible, pretty difficult to forget. He'd...always sort of had a feeling it wasn't just because of the fire extinguisher, or the fact that it was an accident. He hadn't pressed then, or that talk on the bench with popsicles afterwards, but...] ...Well, I won't say anything if there's no need to and that's what you want, rest assured. Bit of a shift, though. [From before, he means. The tone here is a bit less curious, a bit more concerned.] Are you sure you want to?
[It's something hard to forget, he's pretty sure. The memory is much clearer than he'd like it to be, but what's done is done. Aizawa saw him having a pretty bad moment when he got that memory back...]
I'm sure.
[His hand drifts up to his left eye and covers it.]
It was night, I think. In that memory. I was maybe five or six. My mother was talking to somebody over the phone while she was heating up a kettle.[This is... worse to talk about then he thought it would be.] She said my left side was unbearable, and when I spoke up, she was startled.
[Honestly, Aizawa still sort of gets the feeling that he's maybe not the most ideal adult to be talked to about...frankly any of this, really? He's still rather surprised Shouto's come to him for any of this in the first place, even if he did recommend talking to people about problems in the past. He just hand't actually thought about including himself to be among those people...
Not for heavier matters like this, anyway. Questioning what's real and what's not. Imparting...very, very personal memories. That technically aren't even Shouto's own, from certain angles, but--
Still bad enough that he even has this now, isn't it? Still plenty bad enough. Aizawa is properly frowning by the end of his story, and the silence that follows is maybe more than a little bit stunned.
He'd thought it must have been bad, but he hadn't thought it was that bad.]
...Shouto. [At length, and very slowly, sharper concern at the edges of the words.] Your family life at present does not correlate this closely to this memory you're talking about, does it?
[The memories are fairly out of left field for most people. They don't line up with how they live life in Recolle. Aizawa knows this, but at this particular moment he still finds that he'd really like to make sure that's the case here, first...]
[Shouto's family situation isn't... quite as bad here. His father is certainly still a piece of shit he'd sell to Satan for negative one corn chip- but he's on good terms with his mom. He loves his mom and she'd never do anything as cruel as this.
The silence only seems reasonable after a bomb of a confession like that.]
My mother has never hurt me. She would never hurt me.
[But apparently, she can forget him. Which hurts in a completely different kind of way.]
[At this point Aizawa's just. Setting his juice pack on the coffee table in front of them now, for a bit, since conversation this heavy kind of...tends to kill any kind of juice craving like that. His cat is now peering out under the table with marginally less haughtiness and marginally more concern, as if the atmosphere's changed on a palpable level (and it kind of has, really, because this kind of talk does not.......generally happen in Aizawa's living room).
He's sighing as he straightens again, though, rubbing at a spot under one of his eyes. ...What does he do with this information. Is there anything he can do with this information? Why is he getting this information? He still doesn't really understand, but asking now would be terrible timing, and in the end it wouldn't matter too much since...this is already out there now. This is something he knows about now.
He hopes--that the other Aizawa out there back then knows this too? He hopes that other place has already taken measures about this...surely there's some form of social services there.....
But that doesn't really help him here, now does it?]
...That's good. That she wouldn't. [Here at least, apparently, but that weighs enough in the air without having to be said.] ...I suppose that story also makes sense, now that I have it to correlate with your reaction back there. Must have been the fire extinguisher that set it off...
[Another long pause. Aizawa sighs.]
I'm sorry about that. I'm going to ensure that doesn't happen again, at least not by my hand.
[Shouto looks down at his juice box and... takes a sip. He's been dealing with that information for something like two months without telling anybody about it. It sucks to reveal, but it's definitely better than not having anybody know about it.
Unfortunately for Aizawa, other Aizawa has no idea about any of this. Because there's only one person other Shouto's shared this information with, and it wasn't a teacher.
The fire extinguisher was unfortunate timing, he's pretty sure. Just deeply unfortunate timing.]
It's not like you could've known about it. ... But thank you.
It's true, I didn't. But now I do. And that makes all the difference.
[Things Aizawa may or may not realize eventually....just how out of the loop his past self is about some of this. But the future is strange and full of possibilities, so who knows...who knows.....
The cat is also slowly approaching Shouto's legs now. It's--sitting expectantly right up next to his left ankle now? So that sure is a thing. Aizawa doesn't notice this, but rest assured it's a pretty high honor Shouto. Maybe you've earned it...]
I appreciate you telling me about this, even though you certainly didn't have to. [And he...well, no. He's glad to know about it, Aizawa supposes, even if it's a rather burdening thing to know. Having something that big hanging in the background behind Shouto, unaddressed, would probably be exponentially worse than this.] ...I'll be sure to respect your wishes, so nobody else outside this room's hearing about this any time soon. I can promise that.
[Shouto likes keeping things to himself, and maybe there's a part of him that's sure nobody would believe him. He's just the son of a hero. It's his word against a hero's... Obviously people are going to be much more likely to believe his father instead of him.
Shouto bends a bit so the cat can sniff his hand... Is he allowed to pet?]
... I appreciate it. [It's his baggage to share on his terms.]
[The cat sniffs Shouto's hand accordingly--very carefully and somewhat disdainfully, as if this is an immense hassle to do but it's decided to do it anyway so Shouto should be grateful clearly--but, after a moment or so, it seems to decide that this hand is more or less acceptable. So it stretches up a bit to fit its head into his palm properly.
Aizawa, finally noticing this, scoffs a bit.]
--Looks like that guy's finally deigned to have a look at you. About time. [Answering the question that isn't asked, because he can take a guess:] Pet him if you want, looks like he wants you to. Don't let his act fool you, he'll accept them every time.
[Cat icebreaker really...thanks, cat....anyway, Aizawa's slowly shifting to stand up off the couch now, rubbing the back of his neck as he does.]
...Anyhow. It's good you've decided to talk to someone about these things--that's the thing to do, when something's bothering you, so you're forming very good habits here. It--doesn't have to be me, every time. It doesn't have to be me in general, actually. But anyone at all is better than no one, probably. [He idly picks up the juice box off the table again, turning to Shouto.] ...I don't think I can tell you what you want to hear, exactly. If it's advice on what to do, about all of this, I'm unfortunately a pretty insufficient guide. Because I'm really not sure myself, at the moment, without all the facts to make a properly rational suggestion.
But I can tell you what not to do, I suppose. If you want to hear it.
[Shouto loves cats so much. Like kindred kitty spirits... He starts petting the cat's head gently.. for as long as cat is going allow it.]
I don't really know who else to go to. Mom doesn't understand and- [Yeah, he'd rather pull out a tooth than speak to his father about anything.] my Father isn't around often. It feels weird to talk to my friends about this. And... I don't think anybody has enough to make a fully informed decision right now. But I'm glad you listened.
But any advice is better than no advice. I'd like to hear it.
[That's a big mood, Shouto...THAT'S A REAL BIG MOOD, AIZAWA AGREES........
But the cat's accepting these headpats graciously enough, for at least a couple minutes or so. And while that's happening in the meantime, Aizawa's nodding shortly.]
That's fair enough, then. I wanted to make sure you know you've got other options. [Because he feels....pretty exceptionally insufficient about now, yes. But Shouto does seem to confirm knowing that, and the logic for this time seems sound enough, so Aizawa supposes that's at least one mystery he can put to rest this afternoon.
But advice, alright, okay. He settles his weight back on his heels slightly, one hand tucking into one of his pants pockets, the other hand idly holding the juice box but not moving for another sip yet. First things first, after all. Well...]
Don't stop talking to people about things like this. Don't withdraw from the friends you currently have due solely to things related to this, either. Same goes to the Retrospec app, don't distance yourself too far from that either--it's a piece of the crux of our problems, probably, but it's also the best network of support we all have at our disposals at the moment, if only because everyone on it's more or less on the same page in a way most people in our lives aren't. It can be easy to forget that, probably, but you shouldn't.
...Don't treat your family any different than you have been, either. Real or not--from what I can tell in the last couple months, at any rate--the people not on this app still seem perfectly capable of their own thoughts and feelings, tampered memories regardless. It'd be safer and more beneficial to continue treating them as normal people, even if they can't see everything we do. We weren't able to see everything either, until the app was put upon us. We can't really tell them anything about this, but we can at least try to keep their worries to a minimum.
Real or not, your schoolwork's still important too, so don't let that start slipping either. It's all real enough for me to be grading it and testing you about it, so let's keep that process as painless as possible for the both of us. ...Try your best not to do anything too stupid in general, too. But that should be a given, and I think you already knew that.
[Hmm. ...He takes another sip from his juice box, finally.]
[Pretty solid advice, all things considered. Shouto continues petting the cat until such time as it decides to leave.
He wasn't planning on withdrawing from his friends. They're good people, and that isn't going to change because of whatever memories he gets out of the app. They're still themselves. He's still himself.
He hopes, anyway.]
I don't want to worry mom. Not any more than I have already, anyway.
I try not to do stupid things.
Yes. Don't pull away from my friends, treat people on the app like they're still people, do my schoolwork, and don't do stupid things.
[The cat enjoys this for pretty much the entirety of Aizawa's advice-giving, and then gets up to wander away to the kitchen at around the same time he's done. It was a nice petting session all around, though. Shouto has probably earned +1 point of cat favor this afternoon, a small perk to...everything else about this conversation....
But Aizawa nods slowly as Shouto recaps in rather fewer words, idly finishing off the last of his juice box as he does.]
Right. Mm, you know how to repeat things back when you hear them, at any rate...but you go ahead and carry all that out, and then I'll know that you're actually taking it to heart. So do that, please.
[Shouto's a straightforward person who says exactly what he means... or says nothing about it. So he'll keep his word on this. It sounds like sound enough advice, even if he's... not entirely sure what to do around his mom. He still loves her and wants the best for her, but knowing she forgot him- that's going to stick with him for a while.]
... Do you mind if I stay here a little while longer? It's okay if you don't want me to.
[It's a tricky issue to be sure, with no easy solution...you might have you be on your own for that particular problem, sorry Shouto. But at least with this advice you won't have too many other things to worry about on top of that...hopefully....
Aizawa's slowly and methodically folding up the juice box to throw away shortly (who even does that, Aizawa why are you like this), turning towards the kitchen himself--but he glances up at the question, brief undiluted surprise crossing his features. --That's a very unexpected request, to say the least.
...But...
Aizawa frowns at him for a drawn moment, but that's about it--a moment. Shortly afterwards, he turns away and starts back towards the kitchen with a shrug.]
If you want to? Don't see why not, I suppose. Though I wasn't expecting guests today [he's never expecting guests, actually] so you'll have to forgive the setup in here being less than ideal for visitors right now.
Is it really so unexpected? Aizawa gave good advice, he has a cat, and remembered that he went missing. An appropriately trustworthy adult to talk to.]
I'd like to. Thank you.
... No, I haven't really had an appetite. [Understandable, considering his last month was stressful and coming back hadn't been that soothing either.]
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He takes a step into Aizawa's apartment and just awkwardly stands in front of the door until he's told where to go.]
I'm not even sure where to start.
[It was so much and so many of those memories were bad, or they'd have an edge of uncomfortable around them. His mother, his father, the cavalry battle, a sense of resentment. The fact that all of it is undeniably his...
Where does he begin...?]
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[You know that sense of space and emptiness you get from a residence where somebody's just started moving in? When there's serviceable furniture set up, but everything's still pretty clean and widely uncluttered, like there's probably still boxes of personal effects waiting to be unpacked somewhere in a back room? That's what the inside of Aizawa's apartment looks like from inside the doorway, actually. Except he's been living here for about six years now, and he unpacked all his boxes a similarly long time ago--it's just that he doesn't have a lot of personal effects to hang or decorate in the first place...
There is something that breaks the spartan illusion a little, though, and Shouto would find it upon looking around the living room, past the coffee table and over to the couch: a calico cat sitting on one of the couch arms. It's staring critically at Shouto as he comes in through the door. Aizawa gestures to the couch as he passes across the living room and heads for the kitchen doorway.]
Have a seat over there, I'll be back in a bit.
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He looks down at his hands and remembers the ice and fire more clearly than he'd like.
At least he has some time to get his thoughts in order while Aizawa's in the kitchen.
... Maybe he should start with the space sphinx.]
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Meanwhile Aizawa's stopping into the kitchen to check on his rice, mostly--it'd been about done anyway, when the knock at his door had sounded, because he'd been attempting to put together an early dinner of some kind, spend the rest of the night working. But well...it's like they say about the best-laid plans, isn't it? He switches off the burner and leaves the pot lid on so it can cool, before leaving his coffee mug on the counter--now empty, as he'd finished it off on the way in--and pausing in the middle of the kitchen, for a moment, before moving to the fridge.
When Aizawa comes back to the living room he's carrying two orange juice packs.]
Here. [He idly tosses a juice pack at Shouto as he reaches the couch--not even bothering to ask, because a visitor's a visitor and you usually get them something to drink. Also who doesn't like juice packs?? Only heathens, and surely Shouto isn't one. Aizawa settles down on the other end of the couch next to his cat, who promptly drops down off the couch arm and wanders under the coffee table instead.] Sorry for the wait, I switched off the stove. Made up your mind yet?
[About where to start, he means.]
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He makes a slightly late grab for the juice after it's hit him in his chest. Look, he's not actually an athlete, even if he does work out. Another thing that belongs to his canonical counterpart. Not him.]
Thank you.
... Yeah, I think so. While we were gone, we learned something from... a space sphinx. The memories, abilities, and powers that we're getting are ours. We aren't reincarnations, we're them. It's just that all of that stuff was buried.
Even if it is true, I don't want to believe it. But when we were gone, my family forgot about me. So maybe... maybe the life I'm living isn't as real as I thought it was.
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Like...all of that. Aizawa slowly peels the wrapper off his own juice straw as he listens, expression impassive, though a faint frown's already edging onto his features while the words set in.]
...I'd heard a little bit about that. On the network, it was being talked about.
[Aizawa hadn't commented on anything in particular on that front--he's not a big social media person to start with, but that had also been quite enough to just read about without trying to field conversations about it too. It's.....an unsettling idea, to be sure, and in the end there really didn't seem to be any way of confirming the truth of the concept.
But it's one thing to read about it on your phone, and another thing to hear it straight from somebody in person. Somebody who was there to hear it first hand, apparently. Somebody...that's now having these kinds of doubts, because of it.]
...You're right, there's no way to know if it's true. Even if, with recent events, it does seem like the most ridiculous things are suddenly plausible. [He's sure he doesn't need to explain how the last month's been. Shouto's apparently had it even stranger than he did, after all. But...] ...But that's still a pretty abrupt conclusion to draw, don't you think?
[Aizawa stabs his straw into his juice pouch, and then looks up.]
The life you're living is the one that's happening right now, isn't it? A sequence of events has led up to this point, to you being in this room here, just as a sequence of events led to you being a part of your family. By that logic, this conversation we're having right now is about as tangible as your family too--and, therefore, not very real either. Does that seem rational?
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Shouto's keeping his gaze on the juice box in his hands instead of looking up at Aizawa. He pulls off the straw and stabs it into the box, taking a small sip.]
It sounds abrupt, that's true. But... I have super powers now. My left side makes fire and my right side makes ice. Just like in those memories.
It doesn't seem rational. But you didn't forget me, nobody on the app forgot me. Just my family, who may or may not be real. [And his memory family? His father in Recolle is terrible, who hit his mother when she tried to defend him, but he only ever did that once. The other Shouto had to suffer far more under his father's hand and the thought that his mother was constantly abused by that man?
He kind of understands why she poured the boiling water on his face.]
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[It'd definitely been a thing during that last monster fight when they'd unexpectedly reunited, at least, but it's all been very busy at the time. Considering Shouto hadn't been freezing anything before that, though, Aizawa can only assume it's a pretty new gain....
And it's just as ridiculous and nonsensical as the fire. And the rest of this.
Geez...
Aizawa takes a small sip out of his own juice pouch. The orange flavour does nothing in the way of imparting some sort of fail-safe reassuring answer he can supply to Shouto right now, but at least it tastes nice. Gives him an extra second or so to mull that over before the silence stretches too much.]
Members of your family might also end up gaining an awareness of this app at some point. There are several family members on the network at the moment--it's not an impossibility. So far the selection seems very random at best...so I'm not sure if that's a metric of "reality" we want to use with surety just yet, necessarily.
[Aizawa sits back with a sigh.]
...But that's not what you're concerned about, is it? It's not even so much a matter of confirmation. The possibility alone is bad enough, and you're not sure what you'd do if it were true. Is that right?
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[And with the memories he has back now, his comfort with his fire side has gone drastically downhill. No wonder, when he saw his father on fire and his mother saying his left side was ugly. He can't even blame her for that.
It seems like no matter what world he lives in, his father is the worst person in the world.]
I thought I knew what was real and what wasn't. That my mom would never forget me. But... I know that last thing isn't true. I don't... I don't know what to do.
[He takes a slow breath.] There's something I remembered, that day I set myself on fire. I want to tell you about it, but I don't want anybody else to know.
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Logically, there's not a lot Aizawa can do here. And he knows this, but there's still a twinge of disappointment--in himself? Like he should. Like he ought to. Like he's had this responsibility before...
Odd.
Before he can mull over this further and attempt to formulate an at least somewhat proper answer, though, Shouto's taking a slow breath and then...saying something else now. Aizawa looks over to him, the surprise evident on his features.]
--In the classroom, right? [Shouto's terrible state at the time surfaces in his mind's eye, very visible, pretty difficult to forget. He'd...always sort of had a feeling it wasn't just because of the fire extinguisher, or the fact that it was an accident. He hadn't pressed then, or that talk on the bench with popsicles afterwards, but...] ...Well, I won't say anything if there's no need to and that's what you want, rest assured. Bit of a shift, though. [From before, he means. The tone here is a bit less curious, a bit more concerned.] Are you sure you want to?
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[It's something hard to forget, he's pretty sure. The memory is much clearer than he'd like it to be, but what's done is done. Aizawa saw him having a pretty bad moment when he got that memory back...]
I'm sure.
[His hand drifts up to his left eye and covers it.]
It was night, I think. In that memory. I was maybe five or six. My mother was talking to somebody over the phone while she was heating up a kettle.[This is... worse to talk about then he thought it would be.] She said my left side was unbearable, and when I spoke up, she was startled.
Then she poured the boiling water on my face.
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Not for heavier matters like this, anyway. Questioning what's real and what's not. Imparting...very, very personal memories. That technically aren't even Shouto's own, from certain angles, but--
Still bad enough that he even has this now, isn't it? Still plenty bad enough. Aizawa is properly frowning by the end of his story, and the silence that follows is maybe more than a little bit stunned.
He'd thought it must have been bad, but he hadn't thought it was that bad.]
...Shouto. [At length, and very slowly, sharper concern at the edges of the words.] Your family life at present does not correlate this closely to this memory you're talking about, does it?
[The memories are fairly out of left field for most people. They don't line up with how they live life in Recolle. Aizawa knows this, but at this particular moment he still finds that he'd really like to make sure that's the case here, first...]
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The silence only seems reasonable after a bomb of a confession like that.]
My mother has never hurt me. She would never hurt me.
[But apparently, she can forget him. Which hurts in a completely different kind of way.]
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He's sighing as he straightens again, though, rubbing at a spot under one of his eyes. ...What does he do with this information. Is there anything he can do with this information? Why is he getting this information? He still doesn't really understand, but asking now would be terrible timing, and in the end it wouldn't matter too much since...this is already out there now. This is something he knows about now.
He hopes--that the other Aizawa out there back then knows this too? He hopes that other place has already taken measures about this...surely there's some form of social services there.....
But that doesn't really help him here, now does it?]
...That's good. That she wouldn't. [Here at least, apparently, but that weighs enough in the air without having to be said.] ...I suppose that story also makes sense, now that I have it to correlate with your reaction back there. Must have been the fire extinguisher that set it off...
[Another long pause. Aizawa sighs.]
I'm sorry about that. I'm going to ensure that doesn't happen again, at least not by my hand.
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Unfortunately for Aizawa, other Aizawa has no idea about any of this. Because there's only one person other Shouto's shared this information with, and it wasn't a teacher.
The fire extinguisher was unfortunate timing, he's pretty sure. Just deeply unfortunate timing.]
It's not like you could've known about it. ... But thank you.
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[Things Aizawa may or may not realize eventually....just how out of the loop his past self is about some of this. But the future is strange and full of possibilities, so who knows...who knows.....
The cat is also slowly approaching Shouto's legs now. It's--sitting expectantly right up next to his left ankle now? So that sure is a thing. Aizawa doesn't notice this, but rest assured it's a pretty high honor Shouto. Maybe you've earned it...]
I appreciate you telling me about this, even though you certainly didn't have to. [And he...well, no. He's glad to know about it, Aizawa supposes, even if it's a rather burdening thing to know. Having something that big hanging in the background behind Shouto, unaddressed, would probably be exponentially worse than this.] ...I'll be sure to respect your wishes, so nobody else outside this room's hearing about this any time soon. I can promise that.
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Shouto bends a bit so the cat can sniff his hand... Is he allowed to pet?]
... I appreciate it. [It's his baggage to share on his terms.]
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Aizawa, finally noticing this, scoffs a bit.]
--Looks like that guy's finally deigned to have a look at you. About time. [Answering the question that isn't asked, because he can take a guess:] Pet him if you want, looks like he wants you to. Don't let his act fool you, he'll accept them every time.
[Cat icebreaker really...thanks, cat....anyway, Aizawa's slowly shifting to stand up off the couch now, rubbing the back of his neck as he does.]
...Anyhow. It's good you've decided to talk to someone about these things--that's the thing to do, when something's bothering you, so you're forming very good habits here. It--doesn't have to be me, every time. It doesn't have to be me in general, actually. But anyone at all is better than no one, probably. [He idly picks up the juice box off the table again, turning to Shouto.] ...I don't think I can tell you what you want to hear, exactly. If it's advice on what to do, about all of this, I'm unfortunately a pretty insufficient guide. Because I'm really not sure myself, at the moment, without all the facts to make a properly rational suggestion.
But I can tell you what not to do, I suppose. If you want to hear it.
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I don't really know who else to go to. Mom doesn't understand and- [Yeah, he'd rather pull out a tooth than speak to his father about anything.] my Father isn't around often. It feels weird to talk to my friends about this. And... I don't think anybody has enough to make a fully informed decision right now. But I'm glad you listened.
But any advice is better than no advice. I'd like to hear it.
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But the cat's accepting these headpats graciously enough, for at least a couple minutes or so. And while that's happening in the meantime, Aizawa's nodding shortly.]
That's fair enough, then. I wanted to make sure you know you've got other options. [Because he feels....pretty exceptionally insufficient about now, yes. But Shouto does seem to confirm knowing that, and the logic for this time seems sound enough, so Aizawa supposes that's at least one mystery he can put to rest this afternoon.
But advice, alright, okay. He settles his weight back on his heels slightly, one hand tucking into one of his pants pockets, the other hand idly holding the juice box but not moving for another sip yet. First things first, after all. Well...]
Don't stop talking to people about things like this. Don't withdraw from the friends you currently have due solely to things related to this, either. Same goes to the Retrospec app, don't distance yourself too far from that either--it's a piece of the crux of our problems, probably, but it's also the best network of support we all have at our disposals at the moment, if only because everyone on it's more or less on the same page in a way most people in our lives aren't. It can be easy to forget that, probably, but you shouldn't.
...Don't treat your family any different than you have been, either. Real or not--from what I can tell in the last couple months, at any rate--the people not on this app still seem perfectly capable of their own thoughts and feelings, tampered memories regardless. It'd be safer and more beneficial to continue treating them as normal people, even if they can't see everything we do. We weren't able to see everything either, until the app was put upon us. We can't really tell them anything about this, but we can at least try to keep their worries to a minimum.
Real or not, your schoolwork's still important too, so don't let that start slipping either. It's all real enough for me to be grading it and testing you about it, so let's keep that process as painless as possible for the both of us. ...Try your best not to do anything too stupid in general, too. But that should be a given, and I think you already knew that.
[Hmm. ...He takes another sip from his juice box, finally.]
I think that's about it. Got all of that?
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He wasn't planning on withdrawing from his friends. They're good people, and that isn't going to change because of whatever memories he gets out of the app. They're still themselves. He's still himself.
He hopes, anyway.]
I don't want to worry mom. Not any more than I have already, anyway.
I try not to do stupid things.
Yes. Don't pull away from my friends, treat people on the app like they're still people, do my schoolwork, and don't do stupid things.
... Right?
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But Aizawa nods slowly as Shouto recaps in rather fewer words, idly finishing off the last of his juice box as he does.]
Right. Mm, you know how to repeat things back when you hear them, at any rate...but you go ahead and carry all that out, and then I'll know that you're actually taking it to heart. So do that, please.
[Sigh. A small pause falls.]
...Did you need anything else, Shouto?
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[Shouto's a straightforward person who says exactly what he means... or says nothing about it. So he'll keep his word on this. It sounds like sound enough advice, even if he's... not entirely sure what to do around his mom. He still loves her and wants the best for her, but knowing she forgot him- that's going to stick with him for a while.]
... Do you mind if I stay here a little while longer? It's okay if you don't want me to.
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Aizawa's slowly and methodically folding up the juice box to throw away shortly (who even does that, Aizawa why are you like this), turning towards the kitchen himself--but he glances up at the question, brief undiluted surprise crossing his features. --That's a very unexpected request, to say the least.
...But...
Aizawa frowns at him for a drawn moment, but that's about it--a moment. Shortly afterwards, he turns away and starts back towards the kitchen with a shrug.]
If you want to? Don't see why not, I suppose. Though I wasn't expecting guests today [he's never expecting guests, actually] so you'll have to forgive the setup in here being less than ideal for visitors right now.
...Have you eaten anything yet?
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Is it really so unexpected? Aizawa gave good advice, he has a cat, and remembered that he went missing. An appropriately trustworthy adult to talk to.]
I'd like to. Thank you.
... No, I haven't really had an appetite. [Understandable, considering his last month was stressful and coming back hadn't been that soothing either.]
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call it a wrap here y/n? :V